Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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