And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
