Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
