How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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