he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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