I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
