I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
