you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
