he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
