i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You ruined the universe
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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