I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
