I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize