Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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