My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I AM VODKA MAN
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
