Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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