im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
