I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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