You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
