I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
