My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
