Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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