he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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