Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
