So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
