Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize