I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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