I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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