On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Randomize
