What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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