He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
