grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
