He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
