i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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