Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
