I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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