Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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