A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
