And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
