can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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