There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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