I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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