My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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