I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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