She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
