I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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