I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
