If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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