Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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