you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
