I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
