Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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