If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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