I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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