I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
