I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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