do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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