I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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