Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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