I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
