hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize