dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
