I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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