I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
