i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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