I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
