A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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